Transgender Good Practice
Use of Pronouns
If you know someone who wishes to change the pronoun by which they are referred (she to he, or vice versa) try to understand it is very important to them that you respect this, even if you initially find it difficult to consider them that gender. Deliberately using the opposite pronoun to the one a person prefers will be experienced as offensive, judgemental and hurtful.
If you are speaking briefly with someone and you are unsure whether the person would wish to be addressed as he or as she, then it is usually best just to avoid using any gendered terms than to risk insulting them by guessing wrong.
When the interaction is long enough, ask the person their name to try to determine which pronoun to use. If it is not clear whether their name is a male or female name then it is acceptable to politely ask: "excuse me, but which pronoun do you prefer?" or "excuse me, but how do you prefer to be addressed?"
If you accidentally use the wrong pronoun, just apologise once and continue with the conversation. You don’t need to apologise profusely or try to explain why it happened - this often only causes more awkwardness.
When referring to a transgender person in their absence, you should still use their preferred pronoun. This is important in order to be respectful of their identity and also maintaining the consistency will help to prevent confusion, uncertainty and embarrassment for everyone.
Occasionally the situation can be a little more complex: A transgender person may prefer one pronoun and name in some situations, and a different name and pronoun in others. In such cases it is still very important to try and get it right. If you are ever unsure, ask them again – don’t just guess. It is also important not to link the names together as that could lead to them being outed.
Even more rarely, you may come across a trans person who prefers to use unusual gender neutral pronouns (such as zie or hir) but this is currently mostly only done on the internet. A more common and easier way to be gender neutral in using pronouns is just to use the plural pronouns, they and their, in the singular sense. In place of the gendered titles of address (Mr, Miss, Mrs, Ms), very occasionally you might see the use of a newly created gender-neutral title of Mx. More commonly people may just opt not to use any title.
When writing about any trans person, do not belittle their identity by putting their preferred name or pronoun in quotes or italics as this suggests their identity is less valid then everyone else’s.